


the S.P.Y that i love

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, F/M, M/M, Multi, lee graphic design is my burden jihoon, significant amount of nonsense, spy hoshi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “If I die, my girlfriend will take revenge!”The torture didn’t hurt as much as the guards gathering to laugh at him. He could totally have a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or significant other. He pouted and looked away, wincing at his split lip.“I could totally have a girlfriend,” he mumbled.“You totally could, Kwon.”ora vague soohoon spy au
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 22





	the S.P.Y that i love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hoshitokki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoshitokki/gifts).



> i wrote this a very long time ago for my friend. i am not well-versed with svt so i apologize if i've made any glaring errors in their personalities or behaviours. this au is also up for grabs, so anyone is free to pick it up and continue it or write more about it! i just had it languishing in my folders so i thought i'd put it up for people to read lol 
> 
> CW: violence, bad language, blood and broken bones, usage of a cyanide pill to avoid interrogation

It was a bright, sunny day, except it wasn’t. Or whatever. Soonyoung wouldn’t know anyway. They had him tied up in what was possibly their most disgusting, putrid cell, but he couldn’t tell. The blood had clogged up his nose.

He pulled at his chain (again) and winced when it chaffed (again). Being a prisoner wasn’t his strongest suit; neither was being polite to his captors. He was happy Junhui was relatively unscathed. But that was probably because he could seduce a dead tree. Soonyoung was sure he was drinking champagne with the boss and laughing at his pathetic condition.

“Hey,” he called out. “Can I get some water? Blood stops tasting good after three hours.”

“Will you tell us who S. Coups really is?”

“No.”

“Then enjoy your blood.”

“If I die, my girlfriend will take revenge!”

The torture didn’t hurt as much as the guards gathering to laugh at him. He could totally have a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or significant other. He pouted and looked away, wincing at his split lip.

“I could totally have a girlfriend,” he mumbled.

“You totally could, Kwon.”

He whipped his head at the voice, gasping when there was a distinct crack.

“Suck my dick. Where the fuck have you been?”

Junhui unlocked the door, humming. “That’s not a very nice thing to say to your saviour. You should be offering to suck my dick. Not that I’ll take you up on it; Seokmin said your ability is subpar. I will free you only if you promise to offer yourself to Wonwoo as well, he freed me and took care of the guards.”

“Yes, yes. Get these cuffs off, I’m going to draw blood soon.”

In retrospect, he should have asked Junhui to hold him up before undoing the cuffs. Soonyoung dropped to the floor in a heap, cracking some more bones in the process.

“Ow,” he said intelligibly.

“Sounds about accurate. Come on now, up you get. We need to get you to the hospital before you start spitting out blood.”

Junhui struggled with his weight before giving up and dropping him back down.

“I changed my mind, we should wait for the ambulance.”

Soonyoung just groaned.

_He woke up slowly. Feeling the lethargy that came with being drugged, he tried to move his limbs only to find that he was cuffed and chained to the wall. There was a pail of ice water nearby and a display of knives on a table. How very Russian Mafia of them. He pulled at the cuff, testing its strength._

_“Customized,” he mused. “Copper?”_

_“Bronze, actually. Copper rusts easily in damp conditions.”_

_Soonyoung looked up to find a burly man looking at him with gold capped teeth. He looked like an average goon; tall, muscular, broken nose, ugly smile. There was something off about his neck, the skin was raw and cut up in different angles. Soonyoung’s debrief caught up with him and one name resonated. Jung Hwan. The man caught him looking and smirked._

_“Way too many assassination attempts I’m afraid. But, I’m sure you know all about them, Agent Kwon. Why did you try breaking into my house?”_

_“I’m sure you know.”_

_“I do, but I’d like you to tell me.”_

_“Well, you like to sell people. I would like it if you did not, but I don’t think you would listen to me. So my boss sent me to get some dirt on you. Unfortunately, I wasn’t expecting to be hit on the head and drugged. Also, where is my partner?”_

_His strange smirk widened. “I thought you hadn’t noticed. He is upstairs, being questioned. My son likes…pretty things.”_

_Soonyoung snorted. “Your son is going to have one hell of a time.”_

_“I’m sure he’ll enjoy it. Now, I’m going to make you a proposition. Tell us who S. Coups is and I’ll kill you instantly. If not, then we can play some games.”_

_“I love games.”_

_“I was hoping that you would say that. Enjoy yourself, Agent Kwon.”_

_Jung left, signalling his men to take over. A thin man smiled brightly at Soonyoung before breaking his nose._

_“You have a nice face. Well._ Had _.”_

The paramedics came after an agonising five minutes, along with Wonwoo and Seokmin. Gingerly, they hefted Soonyoung onto the stretcher after checking his vitals. He was only semi-conscious by then, so Junhui waved them off with a promise to follow them back to the hospital.

“Wonu, you have a blowjob offer on standby. Soonyoung’s ‘thank you for saving me’ present.”

Wonwoo wrinkled his nose. “That…does not sound very appealing. Did he forget I’m ace?”

“I guess. They probably knocked him in the head one too many times,” muttered Junhui. “Hey, did you find our phones? My mom must be losing her mind.”

“This is quite possibly the _worst_ report you have turned in.” Seungcheol stared at his agents. “I’m including Berlin. This is disappointingly juvenile.”

They protested simultaneously.

“Berlin does not count!”

“Berlin was special!”

“Well, at least no one danced naked and pooped glitter for days,” Chan commented casually, not looking up from his laptop.

Seungcheol made a pained noise. “Thank you for that reminder, darling. And I hope your room floor is clean for when your father inevitably kicks me out because of my glitter induced nightmares.”

“Anytime, dad.”

“As much as your married life _fascinates_ me sir,” drawled Junhui. “Was the report the only reason you called us here?”

“Jung Hwan was not among those that Wonwoo and Seokmin intercepted last night. We did, however, capture his son. Agent Wen, he would like you to know that you are still beautiful, despite your betrayal. He also asked us all to go to hell and then bit down on a cyanide pill. So there goes our only link.”

“What would you have us do?”

Soonyoung hesitantly raised a hand. “Why is the information we have on this guy so lacking? We get a ‘tip’ about his supposed trafficking and we went in blind because the person who tipped you off was so trustworthy. Or is he? Boss, we went in with no information and were held for almost two days. Who the hell is this guy?”

From the corner of his eye, Soonyoung can see Chan getting ready to leave. Huh. That kid was probably smarter than half the agents they had in the agency. Seungcheol waited until Chan was ten feet from the door before removing two black pen-drives.

“This has everything, from his finances to his eating habits. You both have one week off. Relax, take care of your injuries and study the contents of this until you’re reciting it in your sleep. Erase the memory once you’re done and hand back the pen-drives. Enjoy your mini-vacation, boys. It’ll be the last one for a long time. Send Chan back in, if you see him.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

_“Jesus motherfucking Christ.”_

“No Jihoon, tell us how you really feel.”

“Quiet, pretty boy,” muttered Jihoon darkly. “This is all your fault. If we hadn’t taken up your partners’ project, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Hansol laughed. “What did Mingyu say this time?”

“The lettuce wasn’t green enough for her.”

There was a sudden silence in the office as all the eavesdroppers let the new information sink in. Minghao was the first to crack.

“What even? Chwe, you’ve got the weirdest girlfriend in the country.”

Hansol shrugged. “She makes the best kimchi jjiggae in the world. I can deal with the crazy for that.”

“Get back to work, you slackers,” said Jihoon. “Hansol, fix the lettuce and send her an edited version of the ad. I want to get this done with before my vacation.”

“Yes, boss.”

If someone told Jihoon he would be working for the best advertising agency in Seoul before he was thirty, he would have cried and kissed their feet. But if they would have told him he had to deal with assholes that liked to sass him and use him as an arm rest, he would have changed his career options.

Jihoon sighed and stretched. Two more days of these crazies, then he would head to Kyoto for two weeks of rest and relaxation. Good food, hot springs and-

“CHWE HANSOL I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU.”

 _Two days_ , he thought.

* * *

Offshoot, after they get together:

“Soonyoung, tell me you _did not kidnap him_.”

Soonyoung stiffened and attempted to hide the child behind him.

“I think the word you’re looking for is borrowed.”

The child peeked out from behind his legs and looked at Jihoon with large, doe eyes. He held Jihoon’s gaze for a few seconds before breaking out into a ridiculously cute smile.

“Good afternoon! My name is Sanha! Can I help you cross the road today, ahjusshi?”

“What.”

Jihoon narrowed his eyes at Soonyoung, narrowing them further at his weird “heh” laugh.

“You have five minutes to come up with a decent explanation. Go.”

He could only stare as Soonyoung squatted down next to the boy, whispering fast. The boy nodded twice and they shared a high-five and a dab before Soonyoung got up again. Jihoon was Officially Done with This Bullshit.

“Sanha is my…nephew. My noona’s son. That’s right. I didn’t steal him.”

Sanha nodded. “That’s right! Sunyong samcheon didn’t steal me!”

“…right. Where did you meet _Sunyong_ samcheon, Sanha?”

“At the park where I was playing with my hyung!”

Soonyoung face-palmed.

“I cannot believe you kidnapped a child for our anniversary,” Jihoon hissed furiously. “What is wrong with you?”

“He is cute,” Soonyoung muttered. “He was supposed to give you flowers and run away. I even got permission from his hyung. But…”

“But?”

“…iforgottheflowers.”

“Huh?”

“I FORGOT THE FLOWERS OKAY. I’M THE WORST BOYFRIEND EVER AND I STEAL KIDS.”

Jihoon clamped a hand over Soonyoung’s mouth, looking to see if anyone overheard them. Only Sanha was looking at them with some semblance of interest. Jihoon sighed and removed his hand.

“You’re an idiot,” he said fondly.

“But I’m _your_ idiot, aren’t I?” Soonyoung grinned.

“Not after that line you’re not. Come on kid, let’s go find your hyung.”

“Hey, Jihoon.”

Soonyoung quickly leaned in to kiss his cheek causing Jihoon to turn a violent shade of red.

“Happy anniversary.”

“Ew,” Sanha whispered.


End file.
